Sexuality Conversation Starters

As a sexuality educator and a Mother of 3, I have been asked countless curly questions, so I understand just how awkward or daunting it can be to talk to your kids about sexuality. This is one of the reasons I wrote my book “Talking Sex: A Conversation Guide for Parents” - to empower parents with the knowledge and tools to facilitate conversations about sexuality, safety, consent, respectful relationships, and so much more. 

In today’s blog, I thought I would give you a sneak peek into some of the conversation starters I have on various topics. I have broken down the age groups into youngest, older and oldest kids rather than providing specific age groups. This is because each child is different depending on their maturity, learning ability, etc. For parents with multiple children, please keep in mind that you might need to introduce/talk to your child about these topics earlier than you might expect, so that they are hearing about each topic from you rather than an older sibling.

Younger kids:

• Remember when you asked me about …
• It’s ok to touch your own body parts. Who else can touch that part of your body, and why? (Caregiving only)
• You can ask us anything, even if you think it is rude, or bad, or a swear word, I’d rather you check with us. We will always tell you the truth and you won’t get in trouble.
• Your body is so amazing. It can … When you grow up, what changes do you think will happen?
• Look at that amazing strong pregnant person. That reminds me, we haven’t talked about the incredible way babies are made - what do you know about it?
• Remember - it isn’t your job to teach this to other kids - that is the job of the adults who look after those kids. You can ask us anything, but not all families have the open chats that we have, so this is not a conversation to share in the playground.

Older kids:

• You might have been waiting for me to bring this up - sorry it has taken me so long.
• Do you have any questions about what you’re feeling or the changes you’re going through?
• I feel a little uncomfortable, and you might too, which is normal, but this is really important.
• It seems like you don’t want to talk about this right now, and that’s ok. Can you let me know a time that might suit better?
• I’m glad I saw this. You are not in trouble but you do need some help and advice so you might make different decisions next time.
• Does your new phone take good photos? Do you know what a digital footprint is?

Oldest kids:

• I just need five minutes of your time. There is something really important that you need to hear from us. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to. Is now a good time?
• I just read this really interesting fact. Can you guess the two most important parts of the body to make bodies feel awesome when people are being intimate/sexual? It’s not what you’d expect! (Answer: brain and skin; go on to talk about outercourse and pleasure.)
• Actually that show is unrealistic … sexual experiences are awesome and pleasurable when both people are completely ‘into it’, not one coercing another. 
• Yep, but ‘sex’ means heaps of different things. What do you think it means?
• That person is really obsessed with their bum/hair … Isn’t it a shame our society puts so much pressure on us to look a certain way? Do you feel that pressure?
• Negotiating a mutually enjoyable activity to do together will mean you both have the best experience. What could you say to check they are keen on it?

This is just a small fraction of the sexuality conversation starters that are in my book “Talking Sex: A Conversation Guide for Parents.” To get the full rundown, be sure to purchase my book here!