Do you fear talking to your child about sexuality?

Do you give a positive response when faced with questions about sex and sexuality from your kids? Are you the ask-able and tell-able adult your kids need you to be?

I’m releasing a NEW BOOK on the 6th of September 2023, called “Talking Sex A Conversation Guide for Parents” to help with every aspect of discussing human sexuality with your child! Until then I hope this blog can help with encouraging you to have conversations with your child. 

As a Mother I understand just how daunting it can be to start and continue these conversations with your children. This is why I started Talking the Talk, to help fellow parents and educators facilitate these conversations with children.  Parents tell me often that they actually fear having conversations about sexuality with their children. They often fear that they won’t be able to have age-appropriate conversations and accidentally say too much and freak out their child. Some parents have told me that this fear actually prevents them from engaging in any conversations about sexuality with their child altogether. This reluctance creates a fear and danger approach around human sexuality, creating stigma around these topics. Parents often default to this approach because of the way we were raised, as we didn’t really receive any education on sexuality, consent or respectful relationships. It’s important that we break the cycle to ensure the best outcomes for our kids, so they can write their own sexual health and wellbeing ‘script’ for their journey through life.

Did you know that sexuality education actually has hardly anything to do with ‘sex’? In fact, you have already started teaching your children about human sexuality whether you realise it or not. The way you speak to them, touch them and nurture them influences their experiences of intimacy, pleasure, respect and consent. This is all non-sexual of course, but it lays the foundation of what your child will expect for intimate relationships later on in life. Your children are absorbing everything you say and do about sex, gender, reproduction and growing up. They are watching and learning from your actions and behaviours in relation to the expression of love and intimacy with your partner. To ensure your child receives holistic sexuality education it’s crucial that as the parent you also include conversations about sexuality, consent and respectful relationships. You need to be the askable and tellable parent, otherwise your children will solely receive a sexuality education from the world around them, including their peers, the media, pornography, etc. 

Join us for this epic event in August 2023

 “Who do you want to be the person that tells your child about each topic of human sexuality?”

A lot of parents ask me: “How much should I tell my kids about sexuality? I’m scared I will ruin their innocence!’

The measure of how much information to give is based on this simple rule: “Who do you want to be the person that tells your child about each topic of human sexuality?” If you want it to be you, you need to tell them first before older siblings, cousins, neighbours, school peers, the media, pornography or society does. If your child’s school incorporates comprehensive sexuality education in the curriculum I recommend to give them messages that compliment their learning at school. If you’re looking for extra help, my new book “Talking Sex: a conversation guide for parents,” has a whole chapter dedicated to conversations, ages and stages, literally guiding you through what you can tell them at each stage of their development. 

It’s common for parents to stress about telling their child too much, but if they’re not ready or don’t understand the information will go over their head. I encourage you to get started, it’s easier than you think. You can listen to me explain conversations by age in this podcast. 

One of the most problematic myths is that teaching kids about sexuality too early will destroy their innocence. This idea implies that information about sexuality is dirty or wrong, and that is not the case. Let’s be clear, I promote age-appropriate human sexuality education for children that scaffolds as they get older. It’s much easier for a teenager to understand consent in intimate, romantic relationships when they’ve been taught consent through playing on the playground from Kindergarten age. 

Remember that information is not permission. Just because you are educating your children on human sexuality it does not mean they are going to go out and experiment. In fact, UNESCO reports that comprehensive and accurate human sexuality education provides a range of positive outcomes, including delaying the onset of first sexual intercourse, increasing the use of contraception, and preventing unintended pregnancy and STIs. Children who receive comprehensive human sexuality education are also less likely to be victims of sexual abuse. This is because from a young age they learn the names of their body parts, who is/isn’t allowed to touch them, and develop a safety network of trusted adults they can talk to if something like that does happen.

Children do not lose their innocence from learning about their bodies, how to negotiate mutually enjoyable activities with friends or, when they are older, how to stay safe in intimate, romantic relationships. Children lose their innocence if something bad happens to them that they didn’t want to happen, that they didn’t expect or have no information about, such as sexual abuse or assault.

Another example is educating children on puberty. This does not mean children are losing their innocence for understanding what is happening to their bodies, and if we frame it in a positive light they can celebrate those changes rather than feeling ashamed. Going through puberty and all of the emotional, social and physical changes that come with it is their lived experience. They need information about it before it happens. To learn more about what is included in comprehensive sexuality education click here.

Let's rewrite the narrative and teach our kids that growing up and being a sexual being is just another part of life. Let’s empower them with knowledge and information so they can be safe and healthy!

The publish date for the new book “Talking Sex A Conversation Guide for Parents” is 6th September 2023! Pre-order here via Amba Press.